Leilouta

What's in a name?

So my doctor wanted to test me for a new bacteria, H Pylori. I asked my husband if you prounounced it H PEE lori?
He said yes.
I asked, or is it H PIE lori?
He said yes again.
Well which one is it, I asked?
He said either one, they both sound good to me.

What Time is it There?

Three calls, three aunts, same day.

A1: Leila?????OMG!!!! How are you?
Moi: Good, good and you?
A1: Hamdellah…we thank God…What’s new with you?
Moi: Nothing really, the same old thing….
A1: Really? Nothing? …No baby on the way??
Moi: No.
A1: Why not?
Moi: No reason.
A1: Well what are you waiting for?
Moi: I’m not..uhh..…so how are your kids?
A1: La, leila you should have some kids…you’ll need them when you get old.
Moi: Well I don’t want to have kids just so I can use them when I am old and sick.
A1 : What time is it there?
Moi: 7 a.m
A1: 7 a.m? Really???It’s 1 p.m here!! We ate and I am getting ready to take a nap…7 a.m heih..are you going back to sleep after you talk to me?
Moi: No, I am working…
A1: You have to mop?
Moi: No I work from home.
A1: So you are at work?
Moi: No I work from home. On the computer.
A1 : Oh, so who are you voting for?
Moi: I’m not sure yet…who would you like me to vote for?
A1: Obama
Moi: Why Obama?
A1: Because he’s from Africa and he’s Muslim.
Moi: He’s not Muslim actually.
A1: They said he’s Muslim.
Moi: They who???
A1: Where is your husband?
Moi: He went to work.
A1: So you’re alone?
Moi: Yes.
A1: Is he good to you?
Moi: Yes, very good.
A1: You get along?
Moi: Yes, very much
A1: Rebi yahdi (May God show him the right path)….Why don't you ask your husband to convert to Islam? You'll both go to heaven…lucky for you…
Moi: Why lucky me?…You're going to heaven yourself with all your prayers.
A1: I can’t guarantee it…I could go to hell as well.
Moi: Why you haven’t killed anybody?
A1: Its all in his hands.
Moi: Oh please…you'll be fine
A1: You'll go for sure if you convert your husband.
Moi: Even if I kill somebody?
A1: Even if you kill somebody… defensively.
Moi: How about for stealing?
A1: Just convert him and your place in heaven will be waiting for you both.
Moi: I don't want to impose anything on him…Muslims, Christians… whatever…what's the difference…they all believe in God…what's the big deal.
A1: No it's not the same….Look at what the cartoonists did.
Moi: The cartoonists?? I don't understand the connection! They don't represent a whole religion.
A1: Their country supported them saying it's freedom of speech.
Moi: Well you can't burn cars and embassies because somebody says or draws something that offends you.
A1: They're just protecting the prophet.
Moi: The prophet doesn't need protection.
A1: Well, they should make an example of him.
Moi: Him who?
A1: The cartoonist.
Moi: What time is it there?

Moi: Hi,It’s Leila
A3: Louuuuuuula,
Moi: How are you?
A3: Good, how are you sweetie?
Moi: Very good and you?
A3: I am good. Nothing new?
Moi: No.
A3: Really?
Moi: Really, nothing much has happened since I last talked to you.
A3: Nothing ….like nothing?
Moi: Nothing
A3: Come on …you don’t have babies yet?
Moi: No
A3: Really ? Come on tell me the truth.
Moi: No
A3: Really?
Moi: Yea really…why would I hide such a thing?
A3: Oh please tell me the truth.
Moi: Ok I am pregnant with a pig.
A3: Don’t say that..its bad luck.
Moi: Well then stop it. I am not pregnant and I am not hiding any babies from you.
A3: What did you have for lunch?
Moi: I am not having lunch yet…it’s early for lunch
A3: What time is it there?
Moi: 11a.m
A3: 11 am??Really? It’s 5 p.m here…so what are you going to cook for lunch?
Moi: I am working from home so I am not going to make a feast. I’ll just have some soup.
A3: You’re on a diet?
Moi: No, I love soups in the winter and that’s what I have ready so…
A3: Do you cook everyday?
Moi: It depends, not like you do..
A3: I know, I heard Oprah say ‘How can you cook so much’. What are you going to cook for dinner?
Moi: I don’t know.
A3: Do you have a maid?
Moi: No, its too expensive here for that and I work from home anyway, so I don’t need one.
A3: Your cleaning now?
Moi: No, I’m working on the computer.

Moi: Hi Mama, Its Leila I miss you.
A2: HEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Leilouta my sweetheart. I saw that you called me earlier….sorry I missed you, I was praying.
Moi: No problem, what’s new ??
A2: Nothing….nothing changes at all here… people get older, that’s it!! How about you?...Any babies yet
Moi: No.
A2: Why not?
Moi: I don’t know…I will let you know when I do.
A2: You should have some now so they grow old with you..What are you waiting for? You don’t want to have them in your fifties.
Moi: Ok
A2: So what’s the problem? You don’t want kids or you can’t have them?
Moi: Could you be a little more direct?
A2: What?
Moi: Nothing
A2: So …you don’t want kids or you cant have them?
Moi: OMG… You’ll be the first to know!!
A2: What time is it there?
Moi: 3 p.m
A2: 3pm? Really?It’s 9 p.m here.
Moi: Yea there is a 6 hour difference.
A2: What did you have for lunch?
Moi: Soup.
A2: Soup, that’s it? You don’t cook?
Moi: Yea I do, but not all day long. I’m working.
A2: Oh your at work?
Moi: No, I’m working from home.
A2: Cleaning the house?
Moi: No, the computer.
A2: So your not cooking?
Moi: Not right now.
A2: Oh yea ….Americans go to restaurants all the time

America in Pictures

I couldn't resist!

Benevolence

Tunisian President Ben Ali magnanimously ordered the release on parole of the malcontent Mohamed Abou in recognition of the 50th anniversary of the Tunisian Republic. The accused was arrested March 1, 2005 following the publication of two online articles in which he denounced the use of torture in Tunisia and compared it to the abuses at Abu Graib.

The Quddafi Challenge

Here is a great video from the Great Reformer of Lybia telling Africans how they can do to the carbonated beverage industry what he has done to the medical industry in his country. For those interested in creating a business plan, the key ingredient is scapegoating. Once you convince your target audience, then you can implement your changes. I guess that Lybia is now filled with Cuban health specialists, and a Sicko ripoff is in the works to show the people the new way forward.

Fun Fact: The special sauce in a McDonalds Big Mac was stolen from Africa during the colonial period.

White Legged Women

My last post brought out some very bright commenters who tell me that I should have married a Muslim man because they believe my American husband can leave at any time for any “white legged woman”. They also warned me that Americans force their women to “show off their wrists and neck and subject wives to God knows what”. At first I was confused, because I have white legs, at least in the winter. Secondly, I was alarmed because, not only do I show wrists and neck but I wear a bikini! I must already be under the American spell.

Here is a video that I am sure these bright commenters would agree with. It describes the proper way to handle your wife on your wedding night. The video is in Arabic so here is an English summary:

After the wedding is over and the family and friends leave, step into the house with your right foot and say a blessing. Right after the blessing proceed to the bedroom. The bedroom should have very low lighting with soft colors and be very romantic. The groom should then show his love and affection to ease his wife’s fears. After that he can take her clothes off while showering her with tender kisses and saying nice things about her body. He can take everything off but her underwear. While they are standing kissing he can gently take her to the bed. He should remove her brassiere while sitting next to her and play with her chest with his hands while his mouth is still in hers. He should wait for her to react. When she reacts he can then take her last piece of clothing off and kiss her breasts. He then can suck on them while the bride is on her back He can feel free then to touch her body with his hands with care and tenderness. When his left hand reaches her (you know what) he can rub it and concentrate on the ( you know what). Now he can stop sucking on her breasts and kissing her on the lips when he feels their warmth. Then he can start kissing the lower ….

you get the idea.

Girls, if you have the proper reactions then it is guaranteed you won’t have to worry about your man running off.

Via Jameed

Why did God Create Hair on Women?

I just love this story Sassou told on her blog about an experience she had with her Islamic teacher in high school. She wrote it in French so I will summarize it in English.

My friend was around 11 or 12 years old at the time. She was in class and the teacher was giving a lesson about how good respectable Muslim women should wear the hijab.
My friend was a little confused and innocently asked the teacher,” Sir, if God wants women to wear the veil then why did he create hair on their heads?”
The teacher found her question very offensive and rude, so instead of giving her an answer he told her to bring her father to the school so he could have a talk with him.
Her father met the teacher the next day. The teacher told him what my friend had said, and then started blaming him for his daughter’s lack of religious education. He told the father that he needed to pay more attention to it.
Her father was stunned and not more than a little mad. He asked the teacher,” I took off work for this? Why don’t you tell me why God made women with hair? “
The teacher didn’t respond.

Her story brought back so many memories from Islamic class. All the punishments inflicted for not doing good, stealing, or drinking. Memorizing verses from the Koran and never being allowed to ask questions because they were so sacred. Studying the hadith and trying to remember the lineage of all the tellers of each one.

One year we had a very rude teacher who thought all the students were spoiled brats because the school was in one of the better neighborhoods in Tunis. He enjoyed calling us names. His favorites were “Yogurt People” جماعة الياغورت(because only the rich could afford such a luxury), Nanan (after the first Tunisian cereal)جماعة النانو, and أولاد نناتيHe was also fond of calling one of my friends “germ” جرثومة because she would often smile and talk during class.

He made students who were a second late to class go recite verses from the Koran in front of the class. “germ” and I were always the first ones to class, but it didn’t matter, he would send her to the front of the class anyway.
I wonder what he calls his students now, maybe “Cell Phone people”.

Happy Fourth of July

We started the day with the parade down main street. Actually all the streets were closed in our neighborhood so we had no choice. We couldn't leave. Then we met up with Natasha and her husband for a picnic at Great Falls, Md. Then it was on to the fireworks in Rockville.